A simple exercise to manage stress
We moved house recently. On moving day, the people who bought our apartment texted me saying that a couple of things were broken, asking us to claim on our insurance.
When I received the message, I got REALLY stressed. My face went hot, my chest tightened, and I went into a monologue in my own head of “this isn’t my problem, they’re being so unreasonable, what if I’ve done something wrong, I’m going to block them”.
When we respond to an external event - whether it's a global pandemic, an argument with our boss, or a difficult text message - here's what unfolds:
Event - Interpretation - Emotion - Response.
An EVENT happens.
You INTERPRET the meaning of the event, based on your values, beliefs, fears and previous life experience.
That interpretation elicits an EMOTION in your body-mind.
You RESPOND to the emotion - it dictates your behaviour and actions.
And the step you have most control over, is the INTERPRETATION. Change your interpretation, and you change your response.
Next time you have a strong negative reaction to an event, sit down afterwards and come up with TWO possible alternatives to your interpretation of the event.
E.G, the buyer of our apartment texts to say something was broken and they want us to pay:
- Default interpretation: "I did something wrong and someone doesn't like me". Emotion - fear. Response - defensiveness.
- Alternative #1: "This woman is very stressed because she's a first time buyer". Emotion - compassion. Response - a calm and gentle reply.
- Alternative #2: "My responsibility is to my family and new home". Emotion - confidence. Response - refer to legal division of responsibilities.