The leadership skill that Obama values above all others.

There’s one word in the English language so powerful that, if we used it more often, might change how we feel about ourselves, how we feel about others, and how we resolve conflict in our personal and work lives.

So what’s the word? Well, the most powerful word in the English language might just be…

AND.

We need to stop trying to make things simple. We need to start getting comfortable with complexity. With not being able to easily label people and things as right OR wrong, good OR bad, happy OR sad.

It’s possible to agree with someone on an issue AND find them a deeply troubling character.

It’s possible to be ambitious AND not want to do a damn thing for a month.

It’s possible to love my family AND want to be 25 and single again.

It’s possible to acknowledge the most shameful thoughts that I have AND be a decent, valuable human being.

‘Binary thinking’ is appealing because it seems easier and safer. “If I’m right and you’re wrong, then THIS is what we should do / If I’m a good person, then people will like me.”

But it’s not true. By reducing things to A or B, we keep things surface level and ultimately dissatisfying. A life half-lived.

Complexity allows for connection. 

By acknowledging and welcoming the many contradictions within you, you deepen your connection to yourself. 

By acknowledging and welcoming the infinite truths between you and other people, you deepen your connection to others.

Try it. Next time you’re having a disagreement with someone, or next time you sense a contradiction inside of you, see if you make space for more than one thing. This AND that. See what happens. And let me know :)

Thanks to my wonderful anti-racism learning group for the conversation that led to this.